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January 18, 2011 / justerik

They say it’s my birthday

Today, I began my 30th year round the sun.

My birthday is tucked conveniently near the New Year. I feel sorry for other people who have a birthday in, say, June, and have to do yearly reevaluations of their lives every sixth months. On the other hand that makes for a seriously contemplative run of weeks there at the turn of the year, arcing from Thanksgiving and onwards, weeks into January. Still I don’t mind.

The day of my 26th birthday was sad. Sad enough, in fact, I don’t really remember it. My wife and I had split, and I just generally felt wretched. I hadn’t been happy for a long time, but my first birthday alone in a decade rubbed it in. You could call it the trough.

The evening of my 27th birthday was like a candle. Hardly enough light, but much better than what came before. New friends took me to dinner, old friends long thought lost arrived spontaneously. Looking back on it now, my 27th birthday was kind of crappy, but just having dinner with someone, having someone choose to spend a little of their time with me was enormous.

On my 28th birthday, my life changed. Now, by itself that’s not that dramatic. Our life changes all the time, often without the decency of letting us know. I was living rent-free in a spare bedroom, I had thrown or given away most of my worldly possessions, my job sucked, my creative life was essentially non-existent, and I was saddled with debt that I didn’t know how to pay. All of that was true when I got up that morning, and was still true when I went to bed that night. But I knew – and you’ll pardon me for not saying exactly what happened – that my life could be different.

My 29th birthday, this birthday, featured a surprise party. It took place in my new city, made possible by the holiday from my new job, and was peopled by theatre friends, new creative partners, and old friends all. It’s not that my birthday was amazing – though it was – it’s that my life is amazing.

I don’t have any grand statements or wisdom. In a way, I don’t have anything to share, really. But when things are good, sometimes you have to say so, just so that later, when things aren’t good, you can remember what good was like. Also, perhaps, to cover the karmic debt for bitching for all the years before.

Tonight, I go to bed smiling. Seems to be a trend.

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One Comment

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  1. Kyra / Jan 19 2011 12:31 pm

    Happy day late birthday! I’ll miss celebrating together! Ahhhh,the ol’d days. Back when we were young. Okay, not really, but yay to a surprise party and I hope you had a blast!

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