It takes THREE HOURS people, max.

I just know what all of you are doing today – between gulping down giant portions of fatty starches and sweet starches and proteins – is waiting to see what I’m going to say about Thanksgiving.

The first and most important thing is to give thanks. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for this year – more, really, than I know how to talk about. This has been a hard year for a lot of people, not just friends and family, but the whole world. Look around your Thanksgiving table this year and more than likely you’ve got a few more sad tales than you did last year. I’ve been uncommonly fortunate over the last 18 months, and only more so as the year has wound on. I’m extremely thankful, especially for the friends and family who have taken more care of me than I deserve this year. Thank you Sarahbeth and Gracia. Thank you Mike. And especially right now, thank you Rebecca. Thank you all.

The second most important thing is this: it doesn’t take that long to cook a frickin’ turkey! Who decided we should spend ten hours drying out that poor bird that DIED for your meal. Come on! A 14 pound bird should be done in 2 and a half to three hours at 350 degrees, depending on your oven. Salt and pepper inside and outside, brush the outside of butter, put it in a preheated oven. Last hour of cooking, slap a double thick piece of aluminum foil over the breast to keep it from drying out, cook till the juices run clear out of the dark meat, and don’t open the damn door to check on it, or baste it, or adjust anything. Let it sit 15 minutes before you carve it and it’ll be the best turkey you’ve ever had.

And brining that sucker isn’t hard either! Google it!

I love all y’all. Here is to another year.

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